They call them your golden years — not your Golden Gloves years. But that didn’t stop two septuagenarians from sparring over samples in a South Carolina Costco last week.

According to The State (the Columbia newspaper, not the MTV comedy show), a 72-year-old man “cut in line” in front of a 70-year-old, “took some cheese and walked off.” It happened again in the free cheeseburger sample line, but that time it led to fisticuffs. Greenville police have yet to make any arrests in the case, noting in their incident report that the men’s stories are inconsistent and “the witness did not have much to say.”

At least the witness knows the first rule of Costco fight club.

Angry Old Birds

There are some stories that speak for themselves, and have no need for flowery embellishment. Per The State, describing the men’s interaction at the second sample stand:

After the 70-year-old moved on to a line with free samples of cheeseburgers, police said the man saw the 72-year-old approaching.
The 70-year-old was still upset about being cut in front of, and according to the incident report, he told the other man that “he could get in front of him because he knew he would just cut the line anyway.”
The 72-year-old man responded by saying “I will do it again!” — then saying to the 70-year-old man, “You’re a jerk,” police reported.
The 72-year-old then hit the 70-year-old in the right side of his head and caused his hat and glasses to get knocked off, according to the incident report.
The woman who was working at the cheeseburger sample stand said “she saw two men argue in front of her station,” and she confirmed the 70-year-old’s account when she told police that a “man in a Hawaiian shirt hit the other man in the head and it sounded very loud, and that the man’s hat flew off his head.”

Bare-Knuckle Brawlers

Not exactly Brad Pitt and Edward Norton mixing it up with Jared Leto in a dirty bar basement. But you know what they say: you might retire from your job, but you never retire from being a badass. Maybe the next time these two elders are looking for some action, they can lace up the gloves and figure it out in the ring, legally.

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